chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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