I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
no, he came in my armpit
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
