Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
