the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
