So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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