I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize