well I can't set my house on fire every night
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
