just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
What a dumb baby whore.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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