I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
