i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
