I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize