Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
