I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
