i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
