You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
