My underwear smells like fireworks.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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