I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Randomize
