That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
