What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
