You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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