Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
