I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
