Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
