Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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