so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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