if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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