real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
