Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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