she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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