According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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