She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
