fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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