plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
