Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
