the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
