the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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