i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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