I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
