The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
