Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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