All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
