I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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