I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
