Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize