i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
