I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
