Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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