What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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