She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
