My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize