apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize