I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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