I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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