I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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