It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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