it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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