i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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