Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
