do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
