How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Girls should come with a carfax report
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
