dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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