well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Gay?
German.
Pity.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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