Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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