I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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