i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
