you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
