i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I understand Curling. That high.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
