It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
