It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
