I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
