At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
