ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
