You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
