so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Come see our sink grown plant.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
