Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
