I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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