Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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