Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
