So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
