you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
