My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
