No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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