I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
