I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
