the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize