i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
