epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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